Are You There, God? It’s Me, Rebecca.

The only way out is through it. So, they say. But let me tell you, I am completely exhausted from going through it. And every time I thought I made it to the end, WHAM! It’s like a boomerang. And I’m back to starting over again.

Just when I thought I dodged the COVID-19 bullet, only getting it once in the first two years, 2022 delivered a triple threat of COVID for me, with several side servings of other crazy (and quite scary) health issues. I’ve had rheumatoid arthritis (RA) for almost 22 years now. And this had to be the worst year. It wasn’t from my RA per se, but because I have RA and a suppressed immune system. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. When I tell the story out loud, it sounds like I’m overexaggerating when I go through the timeline. See for yourself. But buckle up. This is a long one.

December 2021 to January 2022: My anxiety pushed me over the edge, and I took a leave of absence from work for five weeks. I just needed to hit pause. Focus on one thing at a time, one project at a time. Focus on my health and self-care. It was time well spent. I was able to access virtual mental health support, which helped me set boundaries and re-evaluate my priorities.

January to February 2022: I thought mental health leave would help kick off my new year in good form. Nope. COVID strikes again, the end of January 2022, shortly after I returned to work. Thank goodness it wasn’t as scary as the first time. The vaccine did its job. It took almost two weeks to feel back to normal. Well, as normal as someone who has an autoimmune, inflammatory disease like rheumatoid arthritis can feel normal.

Whew. Made it through that one OK. But of course, add on more brain fog. Now, it was time to get back on track with being more physically active. And making self-care a priority. Spring is the perfect time to start anew.

March to April 2022: Hold up. Just kidding. I started having abdominal pain. It’s only March 30. Oh no, the pain was radiating to my lower back. Great. What now? Kidney infection or gall bladder? Ovarian cysts (I’m not a stranger to those). Or is it just my imagination? Nope, definitely not my imagination. My husband was out of town. I got my son ready for school and sent him on his way. I also let him know not to worry. But I was going to go to the ER after he left. I’ll keep him posted. I phone a friend to see if she can take me.

After completing the intake and initial exam, I’m off to a CT scan. The doctor returned. And I could tell by her face it’s not good news.

“You have appendicitis.” Luckily, it’s not ruptured – yet – so they start pumping in antibiotics as she proceeds to tell me the next step. Surgery.

“When?” I ask. “Now. As soon as the antibiotics are done.”

Wait, WHAT?! Right now? But what about my son? Who will watch him? My husband isn’t here to see me off to surgery and to be there when I wake up. I’m NOT READY for a surgery. Now?!?

Thank goodness for good family and friends who rallied to support me and my family.

One advantage to having a chronic illness and so many ups and downs: My body awareness is on par. I know when something is wrong. And unfortunately, I’m usually right. This time, it was just in the nick of time. As they were surgically removing my appendix, it began rupturing. Could have been worse. So I was lucky. Well, at least I thought so.

When you are on a disease-modifying biologic medication like me, you are more prone to infections. When you have an infection and need to take antibiotics, you cannot take your medication – in my case, a monthly infusion – as scheduled. There’s a waiting period to get back on your infusion after taking a course of antibiotics. Which means you are at high risk for a flareup. Also, recovery from assaults to the body seem to take longer to heal.

I made it through surgery just fine. Been through enough of those, I’m a pro. Add it to the list. #15.

I had hoped this hiccup was the end of the 2022 health obstacles. We had a big family trip to Paris and London planned for the end of May. And I wasn’t about to let health issues stand in the way of it. We had wonderful, quality, family time that was much needed.

June 2022: Taking a direct flight from London to Denver was going to be so nice. No layovers, maybe get in some good shuteye, right? Not so much. I began having lower abdominal pain and lower back pain. UGH. Not again. This time, the pain felt familiar. This has got to be ovarian cyst pain.

I take some NSAIDs in flight, hoping to dull the pain. It helped only a little. The next day after arriving home, I called my OB-GYN’s office to schedule an appointment and got in quickly. After an ultrasound, my doctor said it didn’t look like a cyst, and everything looked normal. However, she cautioned me to go to the ER if the pain persisted or worsened, saying it could be something else.

Two days later, the pain was constant and at a much higher level. UGH. Not again. What now? I ran a few errands and then called my husband to tell him I was going to the ER. I’m BAAACK! Do I get a punch card?

I’m sent off to CT again. The results came back stating it was most likely diverticulitis. I had no idea I even had diverticulosis. Must have been all that delicious food we ate in Europe that triggered it. No overnight stay this time. And I was sent home with a course of antibiotics. No big deal, except having to reschedule all my infusions until I’m done with antibiotics – again.

July 2022: We’re in the full swing of summer now. So great time to get back in a walking routine and staying more physically active, right? I know my health is so much better when I am moving more and eating well. However, I still had been feeling like my stomach wasn’t right. And then, I noticed some sort of cyst on my abdomen that was palpable. This can’t be good.

But first things first: We went on a road trip to California and for a souvenir, I got to bring back COVID #3! Three times? Who gets it THREE times? Me, apparently. ME. Third time’s a charm, right?

My primary care doctor’s office prescribed Paxlovid. Luckily, it softened the blow, and my symptoms were minimal. As I was recovering, I realized the cyst-like thing on my abdomen felt like it was getting bigger. So, I made another appointment to have it checked out. I was sent to a CT scan. Three CT scans in six months can’t be good for you. I must be radiating. And not in a “glowing” good way.

August 2022: The results showed some sort of abdominal abscess, and my doctor referred me to a specialist. But I didn’t make it to the scheduled specialist appointment. I was feeling flush, light-headed. And the spot on my abdomen felt warm to the touch. I knew this couldn’t be good. So, another trip to the ER; maybe this time I’d get a VIP pass.

There are some emergencies that do get you a VIP pass. Chest pain is one of them. That was the fastest I was ever processed in the ER. But we’ll save that story for another time. Turns out, when you have sepsis: You get fast treatment because time is of the essence. Sepsis has always been something that scares me as someone who is immune-suppressed. It can be fatal. This was by far the most terrifying health issue I’ve endured. And I’ve been through a lot.

Are you there, God? It’s me, Rebecca. Can we please, PLEASE, just not?

September 2022

Four days in the hospital with sepsis was probably one of my longest hospital stays I’ve ever had. I’ll pass on this experience happening again. I remember lying in bed, terrified and crying. Of course, as most of us would do, catastrophizing over all the could-haves, should-haves and what-ifs.

But then again, a sense of gratitude would come in waves. Thank God, I do have acute wonder woman body awareness. Without all my health issues and experience, navigating so many surgeries and hospitalizations, maybe I would not have taken this seriously. So, thank you, RA. Thank you for the resilience and strength to make it through this one.

This was the first time I had ever had a PICC line and a drain coming out of my abdomen. Try finding clothes in your wardrobe to go with these new accessories. Not easy. I had to have IV antibiotics for several weeks. Which meant not being able to take my RA medication. Luckily, I think my body was busy fighting this life-threatening infection and gave my joints a break.

October 2022

My doctors were certain that diverticulitis caused this abdominal abscess, which led to sepsis. The next step was to have a bowel resection surgery to remove that part of my colon affected. The day before my scheduled surgery, a colonoscopy was scheduled. What a blessing. While prepping for that procedure is not fun at all, it was well worth it. I awoke from the procedure, only to find out I did not have diverticulosis at all, and surgery would be cancelled. ALLELUIA!

Seriously. Truly dodged a major one there. All the specialists were baffled as to what caused this whole debacle. “Bacterial transplantation” is something that can happen, especially for those who are immunocompromised. Finally, perhaps all my prayers were finally answered, and I could exhale in 2022.

November 2022

And just when I was about to get cozy and comfortable, another boomerang. COVID #4. Are you f*@#ing kidding me? Who gets it FOUR TIMES? My immune system is shot. I cannot fight any assault to it anymore. But wait. Hold my beer. (If we want to get really detailed here, it’s not beer. More fitting for me: Wait. Hold my bourbon.)

Little did I know that this bout of COVID blessed me with so much congestion, apparently: I had an ear infection. I had no idea I had one, until suddenly I couldn’t hear out of my left ear. Then within a few hours, I started having sharp pain in that ear. You guessed it. Another trip to the ER. My eardrum ruptured on November 30. Back onto antibiotics yet again.

December 2022

I had developed a gnarly sinus infection, along with the ear infection. So now I have hearing loss. To add insult to injury, constant dizziness ensues. Being the OT that I am, I know I’m not safe walking around without some help, so I had to start using a cane. Try getting ready for the holidays without being able to drive yourself. Thanks, Amazon and Target, for free shipping.

Hello? Are you there, God? Can you hear me? It’s me, Rebecca. If you’re talking to me, please be sure you’re on my right side. I still cannot hear in my left ear.

So much for trying to get healthy in 2022. My immune system had other plans for me. Please, please, can we have a healthier 2023? Is this the universe’s way of telling me I need to change things up?

Apparently, it was. I went into the holidays only to find out I would be part of a reorganizational layoff. The physical and mental health toll of 2022 was just too much. No one could come out of this unscathed. No one. What now? How can you truly recover from the most ridiculous year ever? See what I mean? Can’t make this stuff up. 2022 was clearly just not my year.

It’s now April of 2023. I still cannot hear out of my left ear. It’s slowly coming back, but I have several tests ahead of me to figure out what’s next. The dizziness is only occasional. There’s so much work to be done to get my physical health back in check and to fully recover with my mental health. It’s a time for reflection and realization. A time for me to get back on my feet and on my true path to wellness. A time to get back to my mission.

Stay tuned as I put the pieces back together. And if you made it to the end of this very long, unbelievable story, then EXHALE. I finally have. The only way I made it out was THROUGH it. I may be exhausted, but I SURVIVED. And if your journey is long and winding, with lots of ups and downs, YOU will survive it too. Just remember: never let them steal your crown.

As I return to my path of providing my OT and patient insight to wellness, I’ll be adding more resources and tools to offer other patients, health care providers and caregivers. So please, share with those who you think will benefit. You can find me at www.InsightWellnessOT.com